Letting Go

I'm not one for hording mementos, but I do have a precious few. One of these for a time was a small bird's nest. For a season, it had been nestled in a tall bush just outside the window of the bedroom I once shared with Steve. He and I had watched the progression of the nest-building and egg-sitting, and finally were able to witness the feeding, growth and flight of the hatchlings. After the nest was abandoned, Steve removed it from the bush, and asked me if I wanted it. It was such a fragile and perfectly formed little thing that I couldn't imagine tossing it - so I kept it. When Steve and I parted, the little bird's nest went with me to my new place in San Francisco. There I displayed it on its own little shelf next to the kitchen window. Looking upon that little bird's nest always brought a smile to my face.

When I moved here to my much smaller place in Oakland, the bird's nest came with me. I realized immediately that I had no place to display it inside. After some thought, I placed it on a little table right outside my front door with a mental note to find a proper place for it inside soon.

A few months have passed, and last week I noticed that the nest was no longer on the little table next to the door. It was on the deck floor. The weather has been a little foul lately, so I assumed the wind had blown it there. As I picked it up, I noticed that it was a little mishapened. I "fluffed" it back into a bowl shape and replaced it on its table. This morning as I stood outside to take in the morning sunshine, I noticed the nest was on the deck floor again. The thought passed my mind that perhaps I should weight it with a pink, speckled rock "egg" that once belonged to Shari and is now displayed in my kitchen window. I dismissed the thought as corny, and went on to other Sunday priorities.

A little while later I spied the real culprits. Two beautiful blue jays were engaged in what appeared to be ecstatic joy. They were gleefully dismantling "my" little nest. They were obviously using the nest straw to build their own nest in one of the trees in the backyard garden. This was nature at work, and I decided not to disturb them. After a while, I realized how fitting it all was. My little keepsake from a time past had found a new purpose. I watched as the pair of gleeful blue jays totally deconstructed the little nest. Their work of nest-building has thus been made easier, and they can now get on with their instinctive business of making and raising a family of birdlings.

That little memento had reminded me of the bittersweet moments during my relationship with Steve. But just how long would I have taken that little nest around with me? Would I one day have thought it a ridiculous thing to continue doing and maybe then tossed it to the wind or into the recycle bin? Now I'm sure that each time I see my backyard jays, or any other nesting birds, I will think of my little bird's nest as my living memento.